I received the following note:
I think it’s essential to talk about this amongst all the illustrious “35 year old male, net $500k/year”.
I am both autistic and very talented, and the former has made it INCREDIBLY difficult to keep my head above water. I am currently scraping by at the poverty line and am on Medicaid. I am so poor that I get free internet and subsidized electricity bills. I am incredibly good at what I do, and when I have a client, they are always thrilled with my work. But my brain just doesn’t grasp professional-speak, networking, corporate patterns of communication, or entrepreneurship. I feel as if I am working as hard as I can while watching people less skilled than I am make a killing.
I should clarify that I am not inappropriate with my clients, nor do I make anyone uncomfortable – if you met me, you’d have no idea I’m on the spectrum at first. But my brain is markedly different and provides very unique impediments, and the industry is simply not set up to accommodate people like me.
The industry as a whole is incredibly confusing, complex, and cutthroat, and highly ableist.
I have reached a tipping point in my career of realizing I cannot go another day accepting things the way they are, but I also recognize that, if people can’t identify with what I would reveal, it probably doesn’t make sense to torch the last gasping remnants of my fucked career and publicize this struggle for a bunch of people who would be like “…um, what?”. So, I’m going the anonymous route for now. I’m curious what people might say.
I also want to clarify that I think my situation in particular goes beyond a ‘dislike’ of the business part (although that’s a component as well). It’s more just that there are very specific unwritten rules of pitching and interaction that are prohibitively incomprehensible to someone on the spectrum. And it’s awful, because, as I mentioned, I have *never* had a dissatisfied client. People love my work. But presenting as an autistic person who doesn’t “look autistic” is incredibly off-putting for most people. They think they know what they’re working with, and then they get to know me a little more. I never intend to fuck anything up, but this is inevitably what happens, simply because I’m neurologically unable to follow certain (nonsensical???) structures of interaction and interlocution. It’s frustrating as hell.
I should also mention that this is also what caused me to lose a major camera sponsorship. I say the wrong thing, have no idea, and six months of complete radio silence later, I find out I’ve been blacklisted. I learned this from a friendly acquaintance on their PR team who had just gotten laid off, so he had no more secrets to keep. I mean, the industry is wild. Like, I have no idea what I did, I didn’t mean to offend, can we just talk about it first? Lol. People only like the flavors of disabled that make you meek and small and pitiable, not the ones that make you alienating (read: a confident autistic woman who occasionally makes gaffes and misreads social cues). So – I would very much love to talk more about the intersection of photography and disability. There’s a lot that needs to be said here, especially because many of the voices that should be amplified are instead squelched under the weight of industrywide ableism.